3 New Rules – How To Avoid Fuckboys

My friends tend to fall into one of two camps: the “your standards are too high and you’re too fussy!” camp, or the “wow, you have great taste in guys, boys treat you really well, you’re so lucky!” camp. Both of which, in my opinion, are completely wrong.

Hi, you conservative members of the Mormon church! Today I’m here to talk to you about abstinence.

Image result for the book of mormon gif

I can actually imagine the look on some of your faces. I’m kidding; go forth and multiply. (Safely. Use protection, kids, I’m not interested in reading a bunch of pregnancy and new-motherhood blogs. Plus, you know, STDs.)

Over the past few days, I’ve read a couple of posts that have really stuck with me, but the one that inspired me to write this post was Fiona’s Falling For Fuckboys. First of all, I love Fiona. I think she’s an amazing blogger – an amazing person – and I have a lot of admiration and respect for her. This means that reading this post made me a little angry. Fiona should not be touched by fuckboys.

It’s kind of like Jay Z cheating on Beyonce; if guys can’t appreciate the finer things in life, what hope is there for them? It’s not even about the rest of us. I’ve seen all the “if Beyonce gets cheated on, what hope do I have?” tweets. No. It’s not about us, it’s about them. If you married Beyonce – smart, beautiful, talented, sexy as hell, visibly all about you, the mother to your damn children – and you somehow can’t recognise the value of said woman and cheat . . . I feel like that says more about men than women.

Must we cast the menfolk out of society and reproduce amongst ourselves? Shall we enslave them and use them merely as jar openers and sexual objects?

Nah.

I think we should just be more selective in which guys we date. There are plenty of great ones out there, it’s just takes a bit more time to weed them out.

And, with that, we get to the point of today’s post. Today, I’m going to be sharing with you 3 New Rules for avoiding fuck boys. (Yes, I’m totally stealing Dua Lipa’s song because I feel like I am that friend constantly telling her friends “don’t pick up the phone, don’t let him in, don’t be his friend” . . . and that’s what I’m going to be doing today. Actually, that song would be a pretty good background for this post. Why don’t you give it a listen while you read?)

Now, on one hand, I’m pretty lucky – I’ve never been heartbroken or seriously involved with someone then screwed over when they turned out to be a fuckboy. The guys I’ve dated or spoken to have treated me well and, all my jokes aside, I have a pretty positive outlook on men.

That said, my luck isn’t luck. I’m not skipping around having Princes falling out of the sky. So what is it? My rules. And what are those? Let me share.

1. Self-Respect.

Self-respect is the first and most important point because once you truly respect yourself and your time and your worth . . . these fuck boy antics are going to be a massive turn-off. Hot and cold shit? No thanks. Scared of intimacy and emotional connection? Not wasting my time on that.

I’m going to be honest, I feel like a lot of dating comes from ego. And because of this, people take things personally. A guy not willing to commit becomes a guy not willing to commit to you, so something is wrong with you. Or a guy not willing to commit becomes a challenge; something to validate you. If you can catch the guy who nobody else can, surely you’re a special snowflake! A guy paying you attention means you’re worthy of attention and, even if he is blowing hot and cold, that attention makes you feel better than nothing.

Kisses are for dogs bc boys r trash x

This is totally natural, especially as we tend to date when we’re younger and less secure in ourselves. But here’s the thing: none of those things are building a healthy relationship, none of these things are going to make you feel better about yourself and none of these things are going to make guys respect you. Once you have your self-respect game strong and you realise you don’t need any of that validation, you’re going to stop letting bad behaviour slide and the type of guy you attract and entertain is going to improve.

2. Don’t Play Hard To Get – Be Hard To Get

It’s pretty well known that most guys love the chase, so it’s not a surprise that a lot of girls play hard to get to keep his interest. Yeah . . . don’t do that. Why not? Because you should actually be hard to get.

I’m wearing my “Congratulations On The End Of Your Disappointing Relationship” tee because, after this post, you shouldn’t be suffering through any more disappointing relationships.

I’m not talking be excessively hard to get and ignore a lovely guy that’s ripped his heart out for you, or to a point where you’re acting it when you don’t want to, but I mean that you should know that you’re worth a lot. You’re worth everything. And a couple of nice words from a guy and a cute smile is not enough. You should be so hard to get (in the sense that a guy needs to actually be a decent human being and prove that to you) that by the time you’re ready to take a chance on said human being, you don’t need to play at being hard to get.

3. Pay attention to how he talks about women – whether that’s exes, random women on the street, or with his friends.

Oh. My. God.Β This is the biggest damn red flag that everyone and their mother seems to ignore.

The way men talk about women shows whether, at a fundamental level, they respect them.

Now, a lot of men don’t have antiquidated views on women and do respect them . . . but a lot don’t. And, worse, a lot don’t realise that they don’t respect women.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that if a guy is like “oh, I don’t want to date someone who’s slept with the whole squad” you have to break out the feminism banner . . . personal choice and preference is totally fine. (And if a guy has gone through any of my friends, Lord knows I reserve the right to rebuke him.) But what I am saying is that there’s a difference between personal choice and disrespect.

You saying you don’t want to date a girl because she’s slept with x guys? You do you, personal choice. You saying a girl is trash, nobody will ever date her and she’s only good for sex because she’s slept with x guys? Yeah, that’s an issue.

The thing about having respect for women is that if he doesn’t . . . it’s a ticking time bomb. You might pass all his tests now, but what happens when the infatuation wears off and you’re in day to day life? When suddenly all you do is “nag”? When maybe you put on a couple of pounds, or get a haircut that he doesn’t like? When you’re arguing and he doesn’t actually consider your opinion to be valid? When maybe you realise “hey, I like partying with my friends – I want to go out a bit more”?

I don’t know about you guys, but I have known and been friends with people I don’t respect. For example, a girl I used to be best friends with for almost a decade started exclusively going for guys with girlfriends and generally just spiralling into a really selfish person. I had zero respect for her, but . . . we’d still been friends for years. She’d been at my parents wedding! I couldn’t just cut her off . . . and we still had fun when I saw her once every few weeks or so. So what did this mean?

Well, without the respect, her opinion became invalid, I didn’t really care about much about anything she had to say and I just kind of . . . didn’t have any regard for her. If we’d have ever had an argument, I wouldn’t have given a shit about her feelings, or any of the points she’d raise and I wouldn’t have cared if she never spoke to me again.

This doesn’t even sound good for a friend relationship – imagine your boyfriend having this kind of attitude towards you.

So pay attention to how he speaks about women. Pay attention to how he speaks about them to his friends (because boys can fake being sweet til the cows come home, but how he talks to his friends is the real test). Pay attention to how he talks about his exes – the girls who can’t do anything for him anymore. Pay attention to how he talks about the girls who are interested in him, the girls he meets in clubs, his mother . . . all of it.

Β Okay, my gorgeous humans, those are my three new rules that you should be adding to your dating repertoire. Do you guys have any dating rules that you swear by? Are you a solid “no double texting” person? Do you agree with my rules? And oh my fucking God I saw Hamilton last night. I can now die a happy and fulfilled human (although, God, can you not please because I haven’t seen Shinedown or Pearl Jam yet, so I still have a way to go. I know, I know – I got your hopes up.) Let me know your thoughts down below!

Peace,

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83 thoughts on “3 New Rules – How To Avoid Fuckboys

  1. Don’t know what any of it means. I do… what I mean is I went through the promiscuous sex thing by the time I was 17. I grew up in an alcoholic home.
    I have spent the last few days with someone I love a lot and last night wouldn’t take advantage of her after I could notice she was affected by booze. I haven’t drunk or used drugs in 18 years. My mother was a bad drunk and whilst I can do time or go anywhere sober my fear is the emotional unpredictability of females affected by booze etc… I have no interest in sleeping with someone who is inebriated either. I certainly have no interest sleeping with someone purely for my own experience etc…
    Said too much perhaps. I wouldn’t know. I grew up in a house where saying I love you was punishable on one occasion. That is the illness of a sick and vulnerable person. I really don’t like taking from people I love when I might need to be more responsible etc… I am actually more comfortable telling a bully cop that his belligerent arrest attempt needs more work and to get off the drugs when doing night shift.
    Do what works for you and keep thinking about how to do it better.
    Most important relationship I will ever have is the one I have with myself. I can’t bullshit myself

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Key word…. “boys”
    Recently knew someone called Hood. Couldn’t help myself from asking him and his mates standing around bitching… talking about “bitches and sluts” and who to fuck (I said I finished with this by 17…
    I asked if the boyz’n the hood are always hard…?
    I laughed. A pack of about 6 (would probably get 3 of them smashed) just stood there hugging each other telling me I have a big mouth.
    Nothing happened. I might write a song called… I am really scared… really I am.
    Then we get on to domestic violence. You are described one action in the repertoire of boys who always make women clean up their mess

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I can’t work out much of anything outside of the conversation with myself. I don’t have time to lie to myself though I have several hours in the day to review how honest I am being and asking myself how I am really going. Like really.

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  3. Some really good tips, Mia! πŸ™‚ Self-respect is so, so, so important but it’s amazing how quickly that gets thrown out of the window sometimes. Sometimes I see it in couples. I don’t know them or anything but I see it – she’s all over him and he’s…yeah, he likes the attention but that’s really it.

    Also, amongst my friends, I don’t know why it’s such a bad thing that the guy still lives with his mother, or that they’re always in touch etc. They almost see it like it’s criminal lol like I get they don’t want a mama’s boy but it’s just a bit sad that a guy is already judged like that before getting to know him.

    Sorry to hear about your once-best-friend but I think it was the right call. You have to hang out with similar minds and people who inspire you.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Honestly, I think it’s because women are kind of taught to put their self-respect aside for men ever so slightly – things like “boys will be boys” or that mentality that it’s up to women to “fix up” their men and that being a ride or die means sticking by them through loads of nonsense….. I think it sets a lot of girls up to almost EXPECT mistreatment. And yeah I see couples like that and it makes me cringe… πŸ˜₯

      Yeah, I mean if it’s an unhealthy attachment sure – but a guy appreciating the woman that gave birth to him and raised him? Not a bad thing in my book.

      And I definitely agree! It was sad letting go of our friendship because all this kind of thing started with her college friends (we went to seperate colleges) but sometimes people grow apart, no point dragging out the inevitable xx

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  4. YESSS girl. I’ve been fucked over by so many people over the years, and even though I’ve followed said ‘rules’ – fuckboys don’t come to you as a fuckboy, they come to you as everything you think you’ve ever wanted, and then they screw you over. I rarely talk (romantically) with ANY guys these days because they’re all so sexist and I won’t stand for it – it’s pathetic. I have more respect for myself .xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ˜₯ I hate guys like that! The thing that’s really annoying about them is that your intuition either picks it up and you’re like “oh, I don’t want to be paranoid and silly” then if they turn out bad you’re like……damn, should’ve listened to myself. OR they pass all the tests, but turn out to be bad and you’re like…oh, so should I just not trust my own taste? Honestly, I think those types of guys there aren’t even rules for – it has nothing to do with the girl, they’re just sociopaths.

      GIRL I HEAR YOU! I think that’s what mainly led to me stopping dating (i barely date anymore); once I started getting into like the smaller forms of sexism and I realised how many little things convey an overall attitude it just really pissed me off.

      The last guy I dated I was involved with for over a year and he was super sweet, super respectful and then he made a joke about a girl he knew getting raped at a party ?? Like, he was joking that she’d had a lineup and I was like “wait….what?” and then he was all like yeah she came to this party, was all over this guy, got like blackout drunk and the guys there passed her around. AND HE’S SITTING HERE LIKE A. THIS IS NOT JUST OKAY, BUT FUNNY. B. IT’S ALSO SOMEHOW HER FAULT FOR BEING DRUNK, AT A PARTY, AND FLIRTING WITH A GUY. “SHE’S A SLUT” AND C. HE WAS SITTING THERE LIKE “oh I’m so glad you’re not like that, you’re respectable”…..UH, WHAT?! And this is a guy that for an entire year has treated me like some princess – but then it was like ….oh so because I HAVEN’T been all over you, I don’t get crazy drunk and I don’t party with what you consider “the wrong crowd” (WHICH IS YOUR FUCKING CROWD) I get treated nicely…but what if I was properly into you and wanting to show it? Is that somehow bad? What if I loved partying? It’s not a crime. This comment was hella long, I apologise, the memory just infuriates me 😑 xxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Girl I HEAR you. Honestly so glad you said “Honestly, I think those types of guys there aren’t even rules for – it has nothing to do with the girl, they’re just sociopaths.” because I agree, I always used to think it was something wrong with ME because it seemed to happen to me so frequently, so surely it must have been something I was doing wrong, but it’s not. Those guys are just fucking sociopaths like you said, there’s no helping them. I too barely date anymore because I honestly couldn’t care less about it, I have absolutely no time to deal with immature boys with fragile masculinity who think sexism and feminism is something to joke about with me, and their friends. Like fuck you. Literally I relate SO much to the smaller forms of sexism – once I educated myself on what they were, I realised that I was subject to it pretty much every day with the guys I was speaking to and I was like hang on a second – why am I standing for this? It’s so frustrating because you dedicate so much time to a person, only then to realise (in your case) that a whole year later, they’re nothing but a disgusting misogynistic prick. WHO’S GOT THE TIME. Honestly I feel you girl – screw all of them!! xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you lovely! And yep, like you weren’t saying that when you were dating her, so why is it that once you stop she’s suddenly crazy? Aha I hadn’t originally planned to have him in the pics, but once the flash went off he was NOT happy being left out! x

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  5. Anyway Mia, you’re probably too good for most of them anyway. John Lennon said it well….they hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool 🀣

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you. Really. Avoiding fuck boys will definitely be high on my agenda if I ever get section tenned again. Belt and laces might be gone when I made a crash for solitary… the camera on me was a Leo’s dream though… federal law that someone had to watch me. No fuck boys ever again.
        Funny though… these days my best mate’s surname is Rimmer. πŸ€”πŸ˜…

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  6. Yessss girl!!!!! I just love this post and the way you put your thoughts into words. We actually share the same mindset about boys. Like you, I am that friend telling her friends “be cautious” “don’t” “listen”. I do this now because I have had bad experiences with men and have dealt with these fuckboys. Self respect and observating little signs are key! Keep these posts coming, you’re inspiring many girls! Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  7. So glad you brought up the thing about how he speaks to other women, because most of the time phrases such as β€˜she was psycho!’ and β€˜she was so obsessive!’ usually indicate that it’s him that’s the problem. Fabulous post as always, and I am infinitely jealous of the fact that you got to see Hamilton!! Xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you lovely – I totally agree! It’s like …. “right so she was normal and nice when you started dating her, right? Or you wouldn’t date her? So what happened to make her “crazy”? Oh…you.” AND OMG IM STILL NOT OVER IT, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING (I’m writing a post about it as we speak!) xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t see why you think your friends are “completely wrong” when they say you are fussy or have great taste in guys when it seems to me that having self respect and paying attention to what guys say about women is a logical result of having self respect and having standards (and calling you fussy for having great taste is like calling someone an egghead for being smart).

    And one of the things my ex-wife liked about me was that I didn’t say anything bad about my ex-girlfriends.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally agree that there are rules to be followed and standars that must be achieved. Respect is love ❀ Is something I learned the bad way, as love made me really stupid once. I allowed a lot of things that are shameful! Wish I had read this post back then xD It is harder to remember this rules when you are in the situation, love makes people stupid.

    Like always I send you all my love,

    Kalia.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I loved that you mentioned about your friend. I had an old best friend who I didn’t respect. And I realised how little I valued her opinions. What you mentioned is so important. You have to find the respect for yourself when dealing with these types of guys. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Going to say it again! Preach! I agree with everything you have said. While their are some real fuck boys, and I have had my share of them, it really is on them. I also try (try being the key word because thank you Facebook for opening the doors to stalk..Really is ALL Facebooks fault) to not hold any ill will or dwell on them. (though really they BETTER end up with someone who has crappy fashion sense…Just saying) They were not “The One” And honestly I am better off without them then trying to force a relationship where I will end up in even more hurt, then if I had just cried uncle and actually finding my prince. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very true. I’m happily married now, but I can admit that I’ve known guys like this, and perhaps dated one or two. Mistakes were made back then because I was young, but it made me realize my own worth when they didn’t see it in me. I stopped blaming myself or saying things like “there must be something wrong with me if so and so doesn’t like me”. Luckily, my guy is the complete opposite! ❀

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  13. Mia, you are so funny. The intro and ending for real cracked me up. πŸ˜‚ you know I deal with men all day and my outlook on them is still good. I never say “men are trash” because to me they’re not. They treat you how you let them treat you.
    I’m glad you know what to look out for because you don’t need a fuckboy in your life. πŸ˜‰

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  14. Great to see another blogger like me!! Your posts are really relatable and genuine, especially this one made me laugh Definitely great to read about and I can’t wait to see what else you write πŸ’›πŸ’ƒπŸΎ

    Like

  15. This was soo juicy to read. Self respect being number one and you can just look up signs of a narcissist and you’ll identify the fuckboys even faster. Guys think they can just compliment you and buy you things and these tokens will later equal sex. Lately I’ve been wondering if you can even have guy friends – mine always seem to cross the line, flirt too much but isn’t that what friends are for? πŸ™„

    Liked by 1 person

  16. YOU GIRL ARE AMAZING! ole! This is just how all women should handle their relationships, avoid toxic people, respect yourself and start thinking you’re worth something better.
    And most importantly, don’t be afraid of being single, enjoy being alone, by yourself; because what you really should be scared of is being with someone who is wasting your time, hurting you on purpose.

    Like

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